Saturday, November 28, 2009

Ah life.

We have been so lost in the chaos of what’s going on we just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to give up because I love my children, and I feel that if I give up they will hate me. But at the same time we have our other children to think about as well.

Little Man has been in foster care for almost 3 weeks, we have yet to see him. We turned in papers 3 weeks ago to have my parents foster him. They have yet to contact them, and they haven’t told us anything that’s going on. The repercussions of little man being out of “family” care are growing more each day. If we get him back, he will regress. We know this from past experience. He will regress into a blob of nothingness and we all suffer. Do we put ourselves and our other children through that? Is it selfish of us to think this way? I don’t know. Do we want to re teach everything we accomplished? I know I don’t want to. I don’t have the energy, the strength. If little man gets hurt down the line, and we get CPS on us again, do we allow them to torture our other children? I mean they took them without warrant, and absolutely traumatized them. I promised my daughter I would never let anything happen to her, How did I feel that night they took her? I was traumatized and still am. I’m afraid to leave my children. I just don’t know.

Bubba has been battling bronchiolitis and we told CPS this. It was court ordered for our children to be in daycare for 7 hours a day to help “socialize” them. We had to take Bubba to the ER and after four hours of him being poked swabbed and prodded we found out he has pneumonia. Pneumonia! None of our children have ever been that sick! It sickens me to think that CPS thinks they are doing what’s in the best interest of our children, but then subjects my child to other children who are probably sickly knowing full well that his immune system was already trying to fight off bronchiolitis. I just don’t know anymore.

Merebear wants to throw me a thank you mommy party. I have no clue where this idea came from, I have been really sick lately and I was soaking in a menthol bath when my 5 year old bursts in and announces she’s going to throw me a thank you party because I do so much for her and her brother and sister. Yeah.. That honestly made my day.

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