Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Starting a new..

Whew, It's been awhile!

I can't even remember the last time I posted anything. I've realized over the months of not doing so, that i've missed it dearly. A lot has happened as of late, and yes we are still battling with CPS. I will try to explain as much as I can without too much detail.

I think I had left off with our 5 other children being taken out of our home November of 2009. And I think I had mentioned 3 were returned to us. M our oldest girl, T our four year old, and Bubba our now two year old.

Let me tell you, all of this that has gone on has been traumatizing. To the point that my poor husband, who got constantly blamed for being the "problem" in the house tried to commit suicide. He has severe PTSD, and is medicated, and does well. But he just lost all control when our children got ripped from us, and I don't even want to relive that night on here again. It haunts me. I placed my children in the care of grandpa and grandma for their own safety, not just from their father, which might I add would never harm them but he needed help, Which he got, but I feared CPS would swoop in and remove them to foster care again. My husband got very violent, and I had to obtain protection for myself as well. Basically my husband relapsed. It was sad. Thank God he’s still with us because I don't know how I would've explained that one to the kiddos.

Our oldest daughter now has severe anxiety, panic attacks, and severe trust issues. She goes to horse therapy once a week and seems to be helping a tad. She calls me every night and asks me when am I going to come home to her. Which absolutely breaks my heart. Our youngest "daughter" Has severe behavior issues now, especially when we see them and then have to leave and can't take her home with us. Bubba doesn't really understand what’s going on, but definitely shows some separation anxiety. It saddens me that this had to happen to them, to us.

My mother in law has our other son Hunter, my parents tried, but they said that they didn't want to place him with them because they were "stressed" enough.

It's been frustrating, but we are getting through it. We are fighters, and our children are most important.

On a more "happy" note. Our oldest graduated prek! She's growing up too fast. She will be starting St. Michaels Archangel Catholic school in the fall. She’s very excited. As are we. T turned four in March. She still loves princess stuff. And bubba turned two in May. He now has a fascination with airplanes, trucks, and tractors. His vocabulary has soared, and is running around non stop getting into EVERYTHING.

My husband and I are going to marriage counseling every week, we've realized through this whole process that even though we may have worked very well as a team when it came to the kids, we lost all realization that either one of us existed past that point. It has been helping out a lot, we have more us time to rekindle what we started with.

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